Monogamy

"It is not merely the exercise of the common virtues that marks the High Monogamist but rather a sort of towering, vertiginous daring. For this state requires that we look directly and unflinchingly at our every weakness and flaw, straight down through layer after layer of cowardice and self-deception to the very heart of our intentionality. 

And in High Monogamy we are forced, as well, to confront something even more terrifying: our beauty and magnificence, our potential to love and create and feel deeply. We are forced to acknowledge the daily, hourly, moment-by-moment waste of that potential. And when we achieve the unnerving clarity that High Monogamy demands, we must either beat a fast retreat or undertake to transform ourselves.

(...)

After superficial erotic novelty has faded, after ego has had its full run (all the life stories told, all the sexual tricks displayed), then the adventure of transformation and a deeper eroticism can begin. But it is precisely at this point that most of us are likely to lose our nerve and leap into another bed, where we can once again tell our stories, display our tricks, do anything rather than see ourselves clearly and start doing something about it.

(...)

High Monogamy, merciless in its presentation of self-knowledge, demands that we change, that we have the courage to lead an essentially unpredictable life.

(...)

Life's feast is available only to those who are willing and able to engage life on a deeply personal level, giving all, holding back nothing."

(by George Leonard in his essay 'The End of Sex' in the magazine Esquire, who, after these lines, states his awareness that this ideal of 'High Monogamy' is exactly that - an ideal - that he is very thankful for the sexual revolution and that there is no guarantee in love)

Surrender

Surrender 

Surrender your ego

and serve

Surrender your heart

and foster

Surrender your fears 

and love

Surrender your fears

by trusting his heart

by pouring out the whole cup

of your being

with a bright, foxy smile

love with your heart 

completely, openly

embracing the wild world

of your mate

Turn into wildness

take each second as it comes

love is no guarantee

but your self is free to be

Insieme

Everything changes.

Let's change insieme for the rest of our lives

Mistral

"Child hold you tongue, your time has come, 

Sure as the mistral blows beneath the rising sun.

A new dawn broods with each new moon,

Oh child of the evergreen you'll shine amidst the gloom.

Flying over falling, pulled magnetically northwards, 

nothing's going to bring me Down.

Flying over falling, pulled hypnotically northwards, 

nothing's going to bring me Round this time. 

Well you found a breeze that's lifting you higher,

You've found a love that's stoking a fire in you.

And no one can ever steal your throne,

Your final foe, your feet 

they must let go."

- Roo Panes

 sacred interventions

 i hear my heart pounding through the wood of the table

to the sound of your voice

We're following the reasonable protocol to ease our anxious minds and those around us.

You're taking the lead and I tame my desire to do the same. Your pace is the right pace and I am so thankful for it. The rivers of your being are already running through my veins.

Jeshua II

 I was born again 

You were by my side all along

Direct knowledge

The only question I have is: Do you question it?

If not, that's it. 

(I know you don't)

Direct knowledge. 

For my racing judging analysing doubting mind is finally still. 

On this rare occasion in this important matter - that itself a beautiful dichotomy - cheers, universe.

I'm on my knees.

Jeshua

You send your soul into my body

Pure heart

You and I, and the holy spirit

Jeshua

I become small in your grace

 You came to this city freely, out of the blue, just right in time. You fine, fine human. I lost my words, I lost my sadness, you waved it away, with the turn of your little finger. There is so much I want to know about the world with you in it. 

All is one

Who is 'me', and what about it can be bad, or lead to bad behaviours? And how much pride could we ever allow ourselves in being 'good' when we are in such a fortunate position where it is easy to be the good guy and point out the bad guy? Like Jesus said, the one who is good all through throws the first stone... It's such an amazing thing to say... Because it is so seductive, and revealing. And it seems like a bullshit test, but at the same time it is not even a bullshit test! Because no one, no one, could pass it, because we are human, and we fail, all the time. And eventually that leads to only one conclusion- we're all one, we think we are so separated or different from each other but we aren't. And still, it is 'good' to strive for harming the world as little as possible.

Love your enemy

When the opportunity presents itself for you to defeat your enemy, that is the time which you must not do it.
There will come a time, in many instances,
when the person who hates you most,
the person who has misused you most,
the person who has gossiped about you most,
the person who has spread false rumors about you most,
there will come a time when you will have an opportunity to defeat that person.

It might be in terms of a recommendation for a job; it might be in terms of helping that person to make some move in life.
That’s the time you must do it.
That is the meaning of love.
 In the final analysis, love is not this sentimental something that we talk about.
It’s not merely an emotional something.
Love is creative, understanding goodwill for all men.
It is the refusal to defeat any individual.
When you rise to the level of love, of its great beauty and power, you seek only to defeat evil systems.
Individuals who happen to be caught up in that system, you love, but you seek to defeat the system.

 Martin Luther King, Jr.,1957

"Some sensations … take up all the extent of the mind like a fog, don’t let us think, don’t let us act, don’t let us live clearly.”

– Fernando Pessoa

What is love? To take another persons best interests as part of your own (best interests). What is the best interest? objectively thats hard to answer, because the road to hell is paved with good intentions. So we really have to look at the question from different angles until we are sure. sometimes the answer breaks the heart. but maybe you just haven‘t looked far enough. ironically love itself is the binocular.

re-relocate

Everything falls
back into
place

re-relocate

"Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." (Luke 12:32)

change is naturally invariable

and recognising the unwavering essence of your soul is a precious anchor to find

Merciless mercy

Heart's cracking. Unbearable pain. Another crack. Source pulling. The best is yet to come.
Natural law unleashed, no more ignored. The you you knew, torn wide open. Force across your rip cage. Callous tiger claws across your chest. Leaking heart, thick blood. Blank slate. Paranoia.
Fire across the rose beds. The gardener left. Ripped pieces of old stories. Invisible process.
Feeling like loosing a limb. Purification. Withdrawals, the healthy excruciating, the merciless mercy.
Remorseless tsunamis wiping out finest shores, coming in, and then another, and then another. The fisher boats are bursting. No more fish. No more dancing in the harbour. Dead towns. How to? How to? Can I undo this? The bomb blasts at inception. Too deep down. The inception is indestructible. Cryptonite burning three hundred feet down. Can't tear it out. Stuck. Brain won't react. Note to self: Consider this trigger pulled. No gain in closed eyes against burning sun.

Tie me to the bed, mind possessions. Won't eat for a while, stuff it in. The lights go out exactly when it's time to sleep. Exercise hour. The officer and his drills, no mercy, mindful coercion. Counter intuitive things, to be done. Tie me to the bed, lock the room, keep the drugs out. Let me come back to my senses. Fried brains, needing to rest. Beneath me my own path, my own stones. Pulling me back into my body. Air prickling alveoli. This girl's surviving.

Suddenly: an opening. Fate, freshly locked. Millisecond collisions in the heavens, thunder, somewhere far, not too far.  He doesn't know yet. You're out there. I can feel it. You'll embrace me with your big arms. You'll erase the last bit of doubt in my heart that you exist. You. You're talking to me, unknown. Sparks. Excitement. Washed away by pain again, for now.When, where? Unknown. You. I'm here, mending. For you. For us. Under the force of the merciless mercy of the universe. Until I have accepted the eruption of my world. Bleeding it all out. I can swim.

Treat every second with great enthusiasm, with great care. The Now needs to be experienced in every fibre. Sense it fully, you're here, not there. You are here. Train your heart like a dog to know the moment. Train your thoughts to stay in the moment. The Now is your safe space now and forever.

I don't know if my openness is a coping mechanism, part of a disease or if its just who I intrinsically am. Maybe it's all. Zero resistance. Surrender.

Brainblast complexity

The sincere approach to life is accepting its complexity. If you allow it you'll get a taste. It comes in layer after layer, ever changing, once you see the next layer, the first will have changed. You're gonna step into different dimensions. Meet different versions of yourself. The laws of this universe work on every level. Microcosmos in Macrocosmos. Spiral in, spiral put, spiral further. Break the chains, lock the chains, train the muscles, go deeper, get lost, come back. What's good, what's bad? What do you want? What do you want to cultivate? Nothing has to be what it seems. It could have a deeper meaning. It could be the law of destruction at work, for whatever purpose. It could be meaningless at some stage. Life is not just beautiful. It isn't supposed to be. It contains the most debilitating pain anyone could ever think of. Life and death are a miracle.
Allow them to coexist. Life's gonna hurt more that way. But it's also gonna be a thousand times more fulfilling. Don't lie to yourself. Your soul knows exactly how complex life is.

supercollider

Super collider
Dust in a moment
Particles scatter
Parting from the soup

Swimming upstream
Before the heavens crack open
Thin pixelations
Coming out from the dust

In a blue light
In a green light
In a half light
In a work light

In a B-spin
Flip flopping
In a pulse wave
Outstepping

To put the shadows back into
The boxes

I am open
I am welcome
For a fraction
Of a second

I have jettisoned my illusions
I have dislodged my depressions

I put the shadows back into
The boxes

I see angels
praying under
the balconies

Supercollider - by Radiohead 

How to know what to do

From the corner of your eye you can't measure the monster adequately. To measure it so adequately that you can slay it, you gotta look it into the very eye, and examine the whole body of it, you may even start to dance around it and see its 3-D format. Don't you freeze.

Most monsters of this age are metaphorical, they don't require your freeze, that's the old way of conquering the animal who only sees life black and white. Today's monsters require your brain to work logically, they don't necessarily require physical strength.

Look it in the eye. Then burn it, most of the time you can do it bit by bit.

When you want to get on the mountain, you don't turn on your heels because it is too high to jump on in one go. You start to enjoy the sweaty little steps up there. You might camp on the way and take a rest. But you'll get to the mountain top.

Don't give your monsters a complexity that they seem to have from the vague impression that you get from a fearful side glimpse. Look them straight in the eye. Don't half ass them. Analyse them to the bones like a razor sharp laser. Don't be lazy with your personal analysis of your surroundings. Put your whole focus and 100 % heart into it like you're doing high impact consultancy for the ethically worthiest and richest company in the world.

All the unnecessary pain and fear will disappear. You'll know what you have to do.

It’s hard to photograph the moon through a window

„Anything can happen next. Tea, or gunshots, or the streetlights

coming on outside this room, and the other, where you are (...)

 What do we mean when

we talk about perfection?

If I’d been better at life would we never

have met? Here is the inventory. Here

is the old lexicon, here all the things

you left behind: Sorrow. Nevermind. Cardinal

sleeping in throat chakra. Meditation cushion. One

espresso maker, barely used. (...)

 Thing is, (...)

You can be a terrible artist and a good person.

You can be a great artist and a terrible person.

You can be a terrible artist and a terrible person.

It’s hard to photograph the moon through a window. (...)

You can be a person who draws the moon as it wants

to be drawn, in the likeness of a thirteen-year-old 

who hasn’t lost anyone. (...) 

You can be a person who burned it all down (...) 

 and this will not save you either.“ 

 - Marty McConnell in her poem „treatise on the nature of non-abandonment“

f o c u s

Someone can have a solid base of talents and potential, but it is not what fulfils him. What fulfils is when someone points their focus on these talents like a laser pointer for a considerable amount of time.

People might have struggled at school but they can excel in their work later because they focus on something. Exceptionally talented people have no guarantee for excelling in their later work, it comes down to focus for them as well.

Focus is the water everybody cooks their lives with, no matter how big or small.

Focus is only possible when mind, body and soul work together. Essential needs that are not being met divert the focus. Addictions of any kind divert the focus (addictions to substances as well as to people). Longing takes away essential focus. 

The focus shouldn't suck your soul - it should not irreversibly go against your needs for too long. Its goal point should be eventually meeting your needs effectively, even if you have to postpone the instant gratification - the instant gratification of letting your focus switch to whatever your desires might be at any given moment. 

Focus might be one of the most important things in life. Where you focus, your energy goes. Where your energy goes makes all the difference for your life and for the whole world. 

Teach your mind to be able to focus. Teach your mind to break the focus in a snap and relax. Teach your mind to regain focus in a snap. Consider this training a life long exercise.

Maybe your focus is on developing amazing social skills. Maybe it is learning how to get along with the least bit of material things and getting along in any culture while travelling. Maybe it is in learning new languages. Maybe it is in most complex physics. Maybe it is in creating beautiful art. Maybe it is in playing the cello so well that people connect to their souls when they hear your music. Maybe it is in being the best chef in the village. Maybe it is in mastering the art of raising children and meeting their needs. Maybe it is leadership skills for a company. Maybe it is an arduous law exercise. Maybe it is crafting the best wood furniture. Maybe it is in planting and fostering a nourishing garden or farm. 

Maybe you have to many things you want to focus on. This might lead to not focussing on anything. So choose. You can choose over after you mastered the first thing. 

What keeps you from focussing? No one can or even should focus 24/7 on one thing. 

But all you ever do is focus.

Chronic shame is pathetic

It appears that chronic shame has a pathetic element to it, an immature emotional reactivity. It blurs the truth, and the truth is that I can rethink focussing on shame. Yes I can focus somewhere else, because chronic shame is simply a feeling, and it's not helpful. It's horribly destructive and pathetic. 

 I tell myself gently, grow up, shame is just a crybaby, a bitch, a whiny vain villain, and you know better than to let yourself be swept away by the alluring waves of the endless ocean of shame. Just stay by the coast, watch it, but turn around eventually and go your way. Stop the fretting. Chronic shame is pathetic and must be ignored.

Focus

And the fear of rejection, that's just another hole. It doesn't matter if people reject me. It matters that I love them and that I show them kindness. Nothing else matters. And when someone else hurts me, well then I got to show myself kindness and walk away and shield myself from the dark forces, because it matters that I open my heart for myself too.

 All that matters is where I shift my focus. That's almost what life is all about. There's many addictions around, particularly distractions. Internet, social media, but also drugs of all kinds, attention, relationships, and so forth. The more addictions I crave of these, the less peaceful I am. But the more I accept the darkness, the boredom, the loneliness, the less I have to be afraid of it, the less I have to fight against it, and the less side effects it has for me, the less suffering. Sometimes I just have to accept to be alone. And even lonely. Let it be. Feel the pain, if that comes up, let it go. Then feel something else. It is really not about what's going on. It's where I shift my focus. I will practice this until my body dies.

I have no choice but to focus, every moment of my life. But I do have a choice on where to focus, and that's what I can do.

You are

"But these feelings of inadequacy." - "Don't worry, you are enough, you are good enough!" - "But what is good enough?"
How far is good enough? Is it a race?

'Good enough', it's the same thing as the nagging thoughts of inadequacy. 'Good enough' reveals the same language of lack. It just as much contains the scale on which we can position ourselves in our thoughts on either side, good or bad, and either side is fickle.

But there is relief, and it's for every soul on earth to understand, it goes:

You are not 'good enough', you're not 'too bad' either. It's just that you are.
You are, you are you are.
We are. The animals are. The plants are. Energy's flowing forever and we are.
It can even be scientifically proven.
So whatever truth you believe in, it is a non-conflicting thought that you simply are. And although it's just six letters, there's little on this earth that's more true and essential than this.

And if you really want to cling on something, then cling on this.
The truth will set you free.