If you're wrong don't despair. Dig out the polyvagal theory, then say the pressure of shame drove you into blinding cognitive dissonance.

polite interaction set phrases

The structure of daily life and its hidden and visible lists demands the human to function in such a disciplined way. The brain is eager to fulfill the daily duties. 

It forgets the playfulness, the creativity, being lose, free from all the preformed patterns of behaviour. There is little space or energy left for the wildness to unfold. Somehow a soul stiffness creeps over me that shows in all the big and small moves, in my reactions, actions, voice and chest. 

Feelings are replaced by a clean orderliness, the primitive urges choked down, the deep connection to the core of my spirit is weaker. 

I want this right now. But I don't want to speak the tongue of empty, polite interaction set phrases and pale survival formula. 

The attention is everywhere, but not inside. My authentic heart, I need to focus on you.