Extend my boundaries

J: "I don't know how to feel anymore."
R: "You don't have to know."
J: "I don't understand."
R: "You will."
J: "There is no wrong."
R: "You have grown."
J: "Not enough. Extend my boundaries."
R: "Bursts, they'll knock us down."








"How are you? How did you sleep?" - "Slept too long to go to school. I don't know how I am." I miss something, that's how I am.

To your world, is our world

Is it you, is it me, I'ma do it by entering your world I know how to act, I know how to feel Around you, about you, how do you feel? Can I wake up next to you? Will you wake up next to me? Tomorrow, forever and ever, I don't know.. Will you stay right here? Will you go away? I feel lost, I feel safe I don't know where to belong To you, to me, to my world, to your world
I'ma a feel left out when you feel left out

Why am I like that?

Why do certain people act weird? Because they don't want to be robots.

Because they need an outlet for their misunderstood feelings and sensations. Because they need a way to express themselves between people who haven't seen yet what they mean. Because it's madness what soothes, because it makes your frustration visual. Frustration shouldn't let you suffer. Acting weird is a way to turn that frustration into fun. Trying to explain people what this is all about (example: "You ask why I laugh all the time without a reason? I laugh about myself and about the world. Isn't it a gift to be born. This world is an illusion! I could eat hotdogs on a Sunday's mornin in New York standing on top of a skyscraper, in my left hand a Caipirinha and watching the sun rise in brightest colours from the horizon.") ends in following response:

1) a long drawn-out "okeeeey?" like: I-just-heard-you-talking-weird-stuff-and-I-neither-know-what-you-mean-nor-do-I-take-you-serious

2) a distracted "hm-hm" that says I-don't-bother-I-have-long-given-up-trying-to-understand-you

3) "No, I wouldn't like to eat hotdogs in the morning" 

You have missed the point! Oh dear! Frustration building up! See through the madness people! IT's not the madness! It's me! It's the world! And I end up throwing pearls into the deep sea where they are never found again, I'm wasting it!

"You're describing those demons, how they are black... but mine are not like that..."

"Du darfst deine Seele nicht der Wirklichkeit aussetzen, wenn du sie nicht erträgst." - "Ich kann nicht halb leben."
 "Denker und Richter seid ihr, aber keine Menschen."
"Findest du das Maß doch immer in dir selbst."

(Friedrich Hölderlin: Hälfte des Lebens)

Deny love

Each time I tried to deny love, I epically failed. That's why I know it's love.

"Why did you betray your own heart, Cathy? I have not one word of comfort. You deserve this. You have killed yourself. (...) You loved me - then what right did you have to leave me?" (Brontë)

Wishes put on racks

"It was just laid in a room to those things who need time and will probably never used again. It is a hopeful, naiive room with lots of dreams and wishes put on racks. Some of the things end up in closets. There they are the safest. I put yours in the closet."
Take me out! Into sunshine!
I run ber-serk with you, while carrying you, because it won't stop

Ah, you perfectly understand.

Put it like you want and where you want, everybody puts it somewhere somehow else.

Let your razors in your pockets.

but tell me all about their shapes.

I see you

Do you know why you can't break my heart? Because I admire your devil.
Heavily.

About left behind, not being able to keep up, looking back, being ahead wishing we would still be on the same page.

I can't expect people to be like me or to keep up with my growth and fall, because everyone has his own path and we will always be different in what we learn, also in our talents. But sometimes you realize that you are disappointed all the time. You love them, but you are still alone. They won't show you the loyalty and openness you CRAVE for. You are not on the same page anymore. You have become stronger than your friend, in your own way. And it could be that your friend has become stronger than you in another way, but you don't see it. Although your sympathy hasn't changed, you know that you two won't be able to give each other what you really need. And that just makes me sad.

I'm not satisfied with a friendship when I somehow really love this person but can't get through, can't get the 100% friendship I dream of. It's mean to expect love ones to fulfill that, and I cherish them anyway! But though...So good to see that I'm lacking something. That gives me the precious ability of falling in love at once with people in whom I see what I search for. And I also appreciate the real friends that I won't forego anymore, not for anything.

Beginning