You step
out of home. What you knew is gone. Your loved ones are gone in the way you
used to know them. Your are gone. Your friends go away and you discover that
you don't want to be friends with them, the weak bonds break. The structure of
your day breaks. It is clear that all that is gone forever. You may get to know
the rawest you. You may get so afraid you can barely move. You may get
depressed. You are afraid to let go. You want to but can't but you have to. And
in between you have to become clearer about your future. You have to fill the
future on your own. If it doesn't work out, they will point the blame on you
and you will give yourself the hardest judgement. You will fail and you will
move on but it feels like scissors aiming at your soul. You realise probably
twenty percent of what's happening but you're swimming in a felt nothing at
times. Your eyes are blind, only in a few moments you can see.
It is a
responsibility you have to fulfill without the safe harbour of your core, your
center, that existed in your head when you were at school. Suddenly you have to
bring up such an energy and you don't see it. You only see your failures
although what you're doing is so big and new for you. For being you, you do
such a good job. You can't see it, but you're doing such a good job. You are
opening your heart and your head and you try to support others although the
support from the outside that you used to know is gone.
There is
another support. It is more open. Thousands of little flowers here and there.
Even if you can't see now, you will. They are there.
