Dignity

I don't want to please anybody and degrade myself doing it. I don't want to participate when all I my heart has to be barely hold against violence. I don't want to be the puppie of your will when this will is for nothing but for violence. I don't want to feel like this. I am searching for words to make the pain go away and I even catch some of these words, and I try hard, and push away the clouds. And then somebody sees how the beauty comes back and tries to manipulate again.
I try so hard not to waste myself and it feels like I am wasting myself. For people I don't even know. I am so afraid to say anything wrong. I don't want pain, or little senseless talks who will mean no good for you in a little while. I don't need false friends. I don't want war between two souls. I don't even want it on the surface.
I want harmony. I wanted to respect what I needed to do and what others needed to do for themselves without killing anything in their mates. And just when you reach that state, when others sense that you are happy, they can get ugly. They realise how miserable they feel. And you are the one to be blamed, even if what you did to be happy, had nothing to do with anybody else than you. And even if what you did didn't restrict anybody, not even possibly, in their emotions or freedom of action, thought, feeling, and this is most important, dignity.